And on the 7th day she rested.
Sunday was a bit more difficult becuase I was mostly hungover and then just tired from the fact that I'd gotten less than 10 hours of sleep all weekend. so what made me happy was waking up at 11pm and not fighting the urge to cook myself a meal. At this point I started on some Spanish rice, chicken w/mango barbeque sauce and for dessert=brownies!!! I didn't quite have all my ingredients so me being me I improvised a little. The brownies are milk chocolate with walnuts and caramel and they are awesome. So yay! for awesomefood and even more awesome brownies!!!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Day 4 (feb. 20th)
Saturday!!!!!
Soooo I met up with my friend Alex whom I haven't seen or really talked to since I left France. His aunt is in a play on Broadway and she got us tickets to see it!!! It was amazing. I can't even begin to talk about that show. But I think what I loved the most is it doesn't have a storybook ending. It doesn't try to tie everything up in a neat little bow because that's not what life is like. Alice Ripley is an incredible actress and in real life she's so different from her character. In some ways I couldn't believe it was the same person. Afterwards I took Alex to a Caribbean restaurant which he loved so we sat there and caught up. It was good clean enjoyment.
The other thing I must mention is helping the wife celebrate her birthday!!! We had a hotel room where we began the celebration and then we took it to a bar. Besides getting her trashed-the highlight of the night had to be running into someone who went to my old high school. We were both intoxicated and while I was still in the stall she started singing our alma mater and I just jumped right in. Being reminded that it truly is a small word...priceless
Soooo I met up with my friend Alex whom I haven't seen or really talked to since I left France. His aunt is in a play on Broadway and she got us tickets to see it!!! It was amazing. I can't even begin to talk about that show. But I think what I loved the most is it doesn't have a storybook ending. It doesn't try to tie everything up in a neat little bow because that's not what life is like. Alice Ripley is an incredible actress and in real life she's so different from her character. In some ways I couldn't believe it was the same person. Afterwards I took Alex to a Caribbean restaurant which he loved so we sat there and caught up. It was good clean enjoyment.
The other thing I must mention is helping the wife celebrate her birthday!!! We had a hotel room where we began the celebration and then we took it to a bar. Besides getting her trashed-the highlight of the night had to be running into someone who went to my old high school. We were both intoxicated and while I was still in the stall she started singing our alma mater and I just jumped right in. Being reminded that it truly is a small word...priceless
Friday (feb. 19th)
Sooooooooooooooo many things made me happy so I'm going to make a list.
1. Listening to Jersey club music with my wife Eboni while we ran errands. We were dancing so much in the car that we drew attention.
2. I bought a latte and an egg and cheese sandwich at Dunkin Donuts. But I didn't eat the sandwich once I remembered that I had given up cheese for Lent. (will power is awesome)
3. VAGINAS!!! I saw the Vagina monologues at TCNJ. It was a great way to reconnect with friends I hadn't seen in a while and simultaneously celebrating women. (Delisa also bought me a Vagina lollipop and it looks so good I haven't been able to eat it yet!) Afterwards I hung out with some friends who work with me during the summer (i.e. they're just as crazy if not crazier). Out antics kept us up until almost 7am but they included everythign from cuddling, to biting, to childish games, and philosophical discussions as the sun came up. All together more than I could have asked for and I was once again reminded of how lucky I am!
1. Listening to Jersey club music with my wife Eboni while we ran errands. We were dancing so much in the car that we drew attention.
2. I bought a latte and an egg and cheese sandwich at Dunkin Donuts. But I didn't eat the sandwich once I remembered that I had given up cheese for Lent. (will power is awesome)
3. VAGINAS!!! I saw the Vagina monologues at TCNJ. It was a great way to reconnect with friends I hadn't seen in a while and simultaneously celebrating women. (Delisa also bought me a Vagina lollipop and it looks so good I haven't been able to eat it yet!) Afterwards I hung out with some friends who work with me during the summer (i.e. they're just as crazy if not crazier). Out antics kept us up until almost 7am but they included everythign from cuddling, to biting, to childish games, and philosophical discussions as the sun came up. All together more than I could have asked for and I was once again reminded of how lucky I am!
Day 2 (feb. 18th)
Some things don't change!
I had an almost 3 hour conversation with someone I hadn't spoken to in a very long time. She's a good friend that I had met while spending the summer in Baltimore before I started my junior year of high school. Back then she was my other half and we we inseparable. But of ocurse things change and time and space separated us. Luckily we managed to keep track of each other on line but it just wasn't the same. I had sent her a message saying how much I missed her and that we needed to catch up. So we set a date and it happened. If felt so good to talk through some things and to hear about her life. A lot had changed but the core fundamental things that we loved about each other hadn't. And it was comforting.
I had an almost 3 hour conversation with someone I hadn't spoken to in a very long time. She's a good friend that I had met while spending the summer in Baltimore before I started my junior year of high school. Back then she was my other half and we we inseparable. But of ocurse things change and time and space separated us. Luckily we managed to keep track of each other on line but it just wasn't the same. I had sent her a message saying how much I missed her and that we needed to catch up. So we set a date and it happened. If felt so good to talk through some things and to hear about her life. A lot had changed but the core fundamental things that we loved about each other hadn't. And it was comforting.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day 1
So something that made me happy today...
I'm going to try and not be superficial so I won't say the fact that I did laundry. Instead I'll choose the fact I decided to start this project. It's another concrete step in the right direction and I think it'll be a good way to track my progress. I also spoke to my mother and we had a semi-honest conversation, which trust me is a huge step. IF everything works out I should even be moving back home the first week of March. I know it'll be rough but I need to stop running away and just face things. My acting teacher once pointed out that I can't tap in to certain emotions because I never sit still. I rarely allow what I'm feeling to hit me where it'll probably hurt most.
So lesson for the day...cut down on evasive maneuvers.
I'm going to try and not be superficial so I won't say the fact that I did laundry. Instead I'll choose the fact I decided to start this project. It's another concrete step in the right direction and I think it'll be a good way to track my progress. I also spoke to my mother and we had a semi-honest conversation, which trust me is a huge step. IF everything works out I should even be moving back home the first week of March. I know it'll be rough but I need to stop running away and just face things. My acting teacher once pointed out that I can't tap in to certain emotions because I never sit still. I rarely allow what I'm feeling to hit me where it'll probably hurt most.
So lesson for the day...cut down on evasive maneuvers.
new decison
I know I've started slacking already but that will soon change. I wrote down some things that I need to write about so that will come later.
I've decided to start a Happiness Meme. So for the next 365, no matter what happens I will think about something that made me happy that day. So that's at least one post a day.
Here's hoping!!!
I've decided to start a Happiness Meme. So for the next 365, no matter what happens I will think about something that made me happy that day. So that's at least one post a day.
Here's hoping!!!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
humbled
I like to think of myself as someone who is a socially conscious lipstick feminist.
I know. Weird statement to start out with but.... Anywho long story short I was reminded yet again of how lucky I really am. Even with everything that has gone wrong and my current questionable state of mental and physical health-it could be so much worse. I know that I'm aware of that but it's not something I think of every day and I really needed to be reminded of that.
At the end of the day I survive. I keep moving forward. And I was lucky enough to remember that I am someone who has helped people and who will continue to do so. I don't say that to make anyone else feel bad, I say it to take ownership of my core values and what really motivates me. I think if I can find some way to weave that back into everything I do-I may have a shot at kicking this bug.
but yes. Humbled. I think that's the perfect word.
I know. Weird statement to start out with but.... Anywho long story short I was reminded yet again of how lucky I really am. Even with everything that has gone wrong and my current questionable state of mental and physical health-it could be so much worse. I know that I'm aware of that but it's not something I think of every day and I really needed to be reminded of that.
At the end of the day I survive. I keep moving forward. And I was lucky enough to remember that I am someone who has helped people and who will continue to do so. I don't say that to make anyone else feel bad, I say it to take ownership of my core values and what really motivates me. I think if I can find some way to weave that back into everything I do-I may have a shot at kicking this bug.
but yes. Humbled. I think that's the perfect word.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Changes!
For the first time ever...I've changed my hair color!!! What's funny is this is more exciting for me than it was when I cut all my hair off in the first place. After it was gone I didn't really feel much of anything. I can't be quite aure why not but this time around things are different.
Instead of letting my hair just exist I'm actually doing something with it. It's gone from dark brown to a brownish reddish mix of something i can't name. I got excited when my friend told me it's only going to get brighter. It's sooo much longer than I thought. If I straightened it It'd probably be the same length it was before I cut it off. Anywho, changes. I'm reaching out. I used to try and give myself credit for reaching out but it was always quite superficial. The biggest thing that needs to happen and will happen soon is I need to start writing again.
Since third grade I used to write so many poems and songs and anything that popped into my head. But ever since I've been blocked up all i do it think about writing but i never actually put anything on paper. It's probably the biggest sign for me that something wasn't right. I'll tear up and cry or have a mini anxiety attack before I write anything down about how I'm feeling.
So maybe I'll start with a journal or something. I'll let you know how it goes.
Instead of letting my hair just exist I'm actually doing something with it. It's gone from dark brown to a brownish reddish mix of something i can't name. I got excited when my friend told me it's only going to get brighter. It's sooo much longer than I thought. If I straightened it It'd probably be the same length it was before I cut it off. Anywho, changes. I'm reaching out. I used to try and give myself credit for reaching out but it was always quite superficial. The biggest thing that needs to happen and will happen soon is I need to start writing again.
Since third grade I used to write so many poems and songs and anything that popped into my head. But ever since I've been blocked up all i do it think about writing but i never actually put anything on paper. It's probably the biggest sign for me that something wasn't right. I'll tear up and cry or have a mini anxiety attack before I write anything down about how I'm feeling.
So maybe I'll start with a journal or something. I'll let you know how it goes.
So i've realized something
I was with Eboni (my absolutely wonderful housemate) and we were watching something ridiculous on VH1. It's Tough Love. If you haven't seen the show it's about women who have various problems with relationships and they come to this bootcamp to work on their "issues." We were watching the final episode and I realized that my reactions to all these "love" or the lack thereof stories was a bit cynical. I thought about it and I realized that I'm actually like that a lot of the time. Funny thing is I'm a huge supporter of love and relationships...when they don't involve me.
I'm 21 years old and I still can't even imagine myself in a committed relationship. The last one I had was in high school and it lasted 2 weeks only because my friends forced me to stick it out. I wanted to break up after 5 days. Yes I acknowledge that a lot of it has to do with my need for independence-it's something that I cannot have threatened in any way, shape, or form. But I think it's more than that. I have finally admitted to myself that I'm scared for my life. I know how vulnerable and sensitive I am and I am completely unwilling to part my heart on the line.
It'd be one thing if I was only like that when it comes to love but I can be like that in life as well and everything I love suffers for it. It's become extremely hard to have open and honest relationships with my friends and family. And even worse my art is suffering for it. I wondered for the past two years why I was in this constant creative and artistic block and it's because I'm blocked up and closed off emotionally. To some people this may seem surprising but when it comes to everything that is at the core of who I am-I hide it from the world.
So my new job is to slowly break down the walls. I have to give myself credit and say that I think I've already started this process. hell i'm writing this. But I have to do more. I know what I want but I won't be even close to getting it until I open up, let whatever comes come, and not assume that it will all be painful.
I'm 21 years old and I still can't even imagine myself in a committed relationship. The last one I had was in high school and it lasted 2 weeks only because my friends forced me to stick it out. I wanted to break up after 5 days. Yes I acknowledge that a lot of it has to do with my need for independence-it's something that I cannot have threatened in any way, shape, or form. But I think it's more than that. I have finally admitted to myself that I'm scared for my life. I know how vulnerable and sensitive I am and I am completely unwilling to part my heart on the line.
It'd be one thing if I was only like that when it comes to love but I can be like that in life as well and everything I love suffers for it. It's become extremely hard to have open and honest relationships with my friends and family. And even worse my art is suffering for it. I wondered for the past two years why I was in this constant creative and artistic block and it's because I'm blocked up and closed off emotionally. To some people this may seem surprising but when it comes to everything that is at the core of who I am-I hide it from the world.
So my new job is to slowly break down the walls. I have to give myself credit and say that I think I've already started this process. hell i'm writing this. But I have to do more. I know what I want but I won't be even close to getting it until I open up, let whatever comes come, and not assume that it will all be painful.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
